“Epically chill,” were the words used by Matt Muraski to describe the Ice Box 240’s first annual mountain-bike relay.
A heightened sense of anticipation and unknowing filled the heavy air as riders arrived at the base of Mt. Whitetail. Race organizers later reported, “Gloom and doom weather forecasts spread paranoia into the hearts of the weak.” Total race census hit 36 chiseled legs, accounting for eighteen testosterone jacked riders.
Pre-race meeting was well organized as officials eloquently set strict expectations and highlighted trial conditions. Riders were treated to a wonderful rendition of our countries national anthem by local music phenom, Matthew Bach, on the alto recorder in key Bb.
Fast forward and enter chamois. An adrenaline pumping Le Mans start sent six brave souls into the dark and precarious forest of River Falls. The following teams entered three muddy rubbered warriors: Knight Riders, Thunder and Lightning, Midnight Thunder, The Pooppers, Toptube Steaks, and Pink Steel.
Mid-race terrors were brewing of a phantom menace roaming the woods of Mt. Whitetail. “These are but mere rumors,” said race director Ricky Bobby. “I know what I saw!” yelled one trembling man.
A scalp tingling pace kept teams neck and neck as the cold winds violently blew through the sounds of smack and House of Pain. Fortunately, the caveman, brought fire and fans to warm the spirits of racers hearts and thighs.
After three hours of racing, onlookers gasped as riders arrived within seconds of each other. One eyewitness exclaimed, “The guttural sounds of beaten warriors echoed through the fat tire playground!”
Respect.
